well now, this is the red room. nice, isnt it?? i think youre probably getting a little bored of me welcoming to each of my creative and insightful rooms, but, well, im not! so welcome to the red room. i also happen to think this is going to be my philosophical room where maybe ill just keep a diary of weekly accounts and such. thoughts on life, love, liberty and justice for all...i just dont know when ill have the time to type all of this stuff in here so once again, this page is still under construction. but im sure that if you enjoy reading a whole bunch of stuff from other people's pages that make absolutely no sense in their right minds, then youre in the right place because thats exactly what im going to do...
great. well, now that we got that out of the way, i will just tell you that ill start my journal today. maybe ill add on a little a week or none...whatever!
March 25,00 all i can say today is, why does it seem like im the only one drifting in and out of "reality?" i mean, what in the hell is reality? ive heard philosophers and sophists claim that reality is what you make it. so does that mean something like the matrix is a possibility? (for those of you who havent seen the matrix, SEE IT. its a kick a** movie) anyways...sometimes i feel like i AM drifting in and out of reality. by no means am i on drugs, so thats not the cause. but what if ive already died or something and this could be my heaven? after all, when one of my friends and i discussed this possiblity, we decided that the writer's description of heaven and hell in the Bible was just that; his description. so what if we each go to our own definition of heaven and hell? its feasible...i once thought that i would want my heaven to be like my life on earth, but just a continuation...so if that were the case and we could pick our own afterlife, i COULD be dead and not even realize it. it's a scary thought. and thats why im floating in and out of reality.
June 25,00 ***has been edited*** well...ok, this is only my second entry in this "daily" or "weekly" diary. but anyways, schools almost out. i took two summer classes, sociology and psychology. i didnt do that well in soc, but im getting an 'a' in psych. which is totally psyching me out. haha. no, this summer ive thought A LOT about me, my life, and my future. i really think i want to not only major in psych, but get a ph.d. and eventually do research in germany. i dont even know why i have now given meaning to my life because all ive done this summer is party with the frat boys (thats where im living for at least another two weeks.) in fact, im seeing one of them, i hope he doesnt read this, but oh well if he does. but i doubt he will. i dont know about our relationship. i love it. i mean, we arent even serious (yet)but theres just something about him. i know that i have a double standard with guys when it comes to smoking, but with him, it doesnt seem to matter. maybe hes got his act together with it?...... i dont know. but i do know that if im just friends with a guy who smokes, i have absolutely NO problem with them doing it. (except for one of my friends, but i would never let him know how much it bothers me...) i just hope i can handle this time...otherwise, ill be sad i have to leave him =**( last night my friend cari and i had a girls night out. i came back from college and we went to the hick town to watch roadtrip. we didnt stop laughing the entire way through the movie; tom green was so hilarious. after that, we drove to the other (but bigger) hick town about an hour away. of course, we had our water balloons to throw at people... by the time we arrived at our destination, we had seen one fox, one coyote, 6 coons, a baby rabbit and a big rabbit (die big old meanie!!!). as we sat out on the steps of the legion park, we got a lot of catcalls, but oh well. it was fun and we wasted film! ill get those pictures up soon. alright, thats enough for this month.
June 30, 00 alright, how are we all feeling today? thats good to hear. with the upcoming holiday, im feeling a little stressed. in fact, thats what my psych teacher told me. that im very succeptible to stress. but i never really dwelt on it until now. is that because ive never really cared? i dont think i care even now. i do know that next semester is going to be hectic. REALLY hectic. what with 17 credit hours, crew practice at 5am, workstudy job during my free afternoon hours, and my other so far non-existant job that ill be needing to get for the weekends, ill have absolutely no time for myself. wait, we cant forget my social life!! i thought thats what college was all about...socializing with others. i came out of last year with my roomate and one other girl as best friends, my one best friend from back home whom i still never get to talk to, and a whole bunch of acquaintances that i dont get along with very well. *sigh* and last year was relatively easy. i never studied, but i did get mostly c+'s because of it. well, on the bright side, i wont have time to eat, therefore i wont have time to get fat...
February 11, 03 k...for all you mr. poopyhead-pants-ed people out there who won't leave me alone until i update my red room, HERE IT IS!!! so i suppose you all want to know what i've been doing the last three years of my life. well, im still 5'4" but i ended up getting fat from eating too much peanut butter and pickles... so now i weigh like 210 lbs. i jiggle around everywhere and its a lot of fun, you should try it too. PSYCH! no, im not trying to make light of heavyweight people, i was just making a joke off my last entry from three years prior. sorry if i offended anyone. :( anyways... i've spent some time, k, lots of time, being clingy to one or more boyfriends and i've had enough of it. it's time for this girl to get on with her life and figure out what makes HERSELF happy, you know? it seems to me that so many people need that other person just to be able to begin to survive in this place, this world/reality we create ourselves. after all, isn't one of the most famous quotes something to the effect of "reality is subjective"?? that's one of the concepts that we're learning in my transpersonal psychology class right now. this class is the coolest, just cuz we learn about zen mediation, hatha yoga etc. my whole life i've struggled with the concept of "God" but the difference between religions and spirituality is tremendous. i've already had like three fights with my mom over it. although i'm not quoting her directly, i feel she says (k, used to say/think before i clarified the definition of spirituality) was that "you're not practicing my religion, you're going to hell." well, the main goal of spirituality is to find God, so i think that kind of counts, you know? just something to think about until i update this page another three years from now... actually, i'll probably write more tomorrow cuz im really pissed off at bush right now. and i'm of the opinion that i'm not the only one....
march 01, 03 *has been edited* nope...nothing to read here, nothing on this particular day. same old same old.
march 06, 03 don't you just love it when you pull on a pair of jeans that you haven't worn for say...two-three months, and you find $20 in the pocket? it's a great feeling! but anyways, i just wanted to say today, that i'm practicing my r's and rr's for german and spanish/bosnian... i'm having great difficulties pronouncing german r's, for the simple reason that i can't hock *sp* a lugie while saying the damn letter. i sound like a baby alien having difficulties being born... *note to self: when i have time, that'd be a cool movie to see again, now that i'm no longer ten and scared of the wizard of oz...* well..i'm off to study how to be a baby alien...
